This will be one of the biggest questions you ever ask yourself. Should I or shouldn’t I get divorced? If you are having this private conversation with yourself, then divorce coaching may be for you. A relatively new field, we are trained to help walk with you down the emotional path of staying or divorcing. I understand how adrift you feel knowing your life will change. If you decide to stay, I will stand with you to change your communication style with your spouse, work on your interests apart from your family and help you to be stronger and more resilient. There are five love languages, as described by Gary Chapman in his book of the same name. These are words of affirmation; gifts; acts of service; quality time and physical touch. These are all explained in depth in my book. Saying ‘thank you’, telling him he is a hard worker; saying you like her cooking; are all words of affirmation. A gift can be as simple as a love note in his briefcase, a flower you pick her from the garden. Acts of service might be being the person to make appointments or picking up the dry cleaning. Quality time is watching a movie together, taking a walk or doing something fun without the distractions of your phone or work. And physical touch might be good sex or holding hands or a nice hug. Read the original version in Gary’s book. These were my personal ideas. Another important thing to be aware of is the Four Horsemen of Conversation. These were developed as a metaphor by the Gottman Institute and are a good indication of how a relationship will end. The first one is Criticism. This is not critique or voicing a complaint; it can lead to contempt which leads to the other three. The second one is Contempt and when we communicate in this way, we are truly mean. Contempt assumes a position of moral superiority over our partner and is the ‘Single greatestpredictor of divorce’. The next Horseman is Defensiveness and is typically a response to criticism. When we are unjustly accused, we play the innocent victim so our accuser will back off. This rarely works unless the attacker apologizes and usually just escalates the conflict. Last, but not least, Stonewalling. Remember that any of these ways of conversation can have a damaging effect on any relationship if they happen often enough. When you or your partner stonewall, you are withdrawing from the conversation, and your partner. It does not allow for a compromise or solution to the argument. Visit https://www.gottman.com/ for the complete article. Understand that marriage counseling may be recommended. As a coach, I help you with your changes and desires, I only support the person sitting in front of me. We work on how you react to your stressors and triggers. Saving you time and money: peeling back the layers of the process: helping you navigate the legalities of it: encouraging you to find your best self; and helping you to co-parent with your children’s best interest in mind. THIS is what I do.

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